A Day in the life of Mrs. Bass

Ok, so... I've been teaching the same grade for almost 4 years now and I swear every year their sayings just keep getting more hilarious! I do love my job, I know I gripe because it is stressful and time consuming and it seems as though I am always doing stuff for school....but, the end of the year is such a reward and spending time with them everyday is a pure joy.
I had an IEP meeting this morning and didn't get to my class until an hour after class had started (don't worry, I had a TA in my room covering my class) I walk in and it is like my kids had been away from me for months! "Mrs. Bass!" "Oh Mrs. Bass we missed you!" "Mrs. Bass, please come hug me!" Who doesn't want 27 precious hugs from their first class of the day?
So.. onto my second class... this class is notorious for saying the most unpredictable things. One day I had on the board this journal topic:
If you had to eat worms how would you feel? (We were reading How to Eat Fried Worms)
As I am reading one student's journal this is what she wrote:
"If I had to eat worms it would be disgusting. I think I would S*it it out."
I walked over to her and politely asked her to re-read what she wrote. She then looked up at me with a huge smile and said this, "Mrs. Bass, I meant to say spit, but I would probably do the other thing too."
Same class:
One day my students were looking up information in the dictionary. Student one comes across the word jaguar.
Student One: "OH jaguar, my dad has one of those!"
Student Two: (Serious as all get out) "Is your dad in a circus? Those things are dangerous!"
Same class: This happened today in class
Mrs. Bass: "Well boys and girls I want you to know that I will not be here on Friday."
Student: "Oh Mrs. Bass, are you having a BABY!" (totally excited)
Mrs. Bass: "Does it LOOK like I am having a baby?
Student: "Well....skinny people can have babies too!"
Same class: this also happened today
I had written their homework on the board and I put F & B so the students would know the homework was front and back. (We have gone over this abbreviation PLENTY of times.)
Student: Mrs. Bass... what does f-ing B mean?
Mrs. Bass: Excuse me, what did you just say?
Student: What does f-ing b mean? You have it on the board.
Needless to say I was relieved!
Now on to my last class. Yesterday I had two boys that were play fighting over a piece of paper, so I took the paper away from them waded it up into a ball and later on in the class I threw the piece of paper at one of my boys. Well, I left to go to the restroom and when I returned I noticed that ALL of my boys had waded up pieces of paper and made paper balls out of them. I kindly walked around to all their desk and collected them. I had a HUGE paper ball mound up at the front of the room. Well... class continued then finally the bell rang and I was at the door hugging all my doors good-bye when much to my surprise all of my boys bombarded me with paper balls! We had a huge paper ball fight right there in my classroom when the bell rang. The war was on and clearly I wasn't warned because today when my boys came to my class they were all equipped with wads of paper ready to fight! I had to make them put the balls away until the end of class.
So.. folks, I promise you I do teach...it's not all play... but sometimes it is true that kids say the darndest things!